Nepravda, Kristofer Swamiovitch

The Berman videos have re-caught the eye of the blogosphere.  God bless Deadspin, we can still see the archival footage.

Now, Mr. Berman responds.  He tells the Miami Herald,

''It's almost as if what we would fight against as a country--the Soviets spying--it's almost like that's what everyone is doing,'' Berman said by phone Wednesday. "What's said in the huddle, which is what I did, should be in the huddle."

Now. Now. Maybe we shouldn’t take you too seriously, Mr. Berman. Maybe we should just assume your metaphors are so “poetic” that they need not be analyzed. And yet, as a US-Soviet historian, let me fill you in on what would have happened in the USSR.

Here’s a break-down of the likely aftermath.  It's cause I feel for ya Chris, you're startin to sound like Dick Nixon.  God-damn that freedom of the press:

Under Josef Stalin (~1927–1953), you would have proven yourself unreliable and an embarrassment to the Party. In order to usher you neatly out of public view, a show trial would have ensued. You would have been summarily executed or sent to a gulag.

Under Nikita Khrushchev (~1953-1964), you would have merely enjoyed a show trial, lost your job, your Party membership, any future career, and would have lived out your days in humiliation, hunger and poverty.

Under Leonid Brezhnev (1964–1982), you may have been purged. Yet given your good-soldier history, you probably would have been given the option to publicly condemn yourself, continue your career while always knowing you were a tip-toe away from losing everything.

Under Yuri Andropov or Konstantin Chernenko (1982–1985), probably very similar to the Brezhnev era. Perhaps you would have been selected to write a “History of the Greatness of the Soviet Union and Its People Through Sport.” You could trade in a few of your dissident friends and live a happy and successful life.

Under Mikhail Gorbachev (1985-1991), it’s very uncertain what would have happened in a time of such flux, reform, and regression.  Long before, you probably would have become associated with one of the warring factions on the Central Committee. I would guess you would have been on the anti-perestroika side. And, we can probably guess, you would have made a few enemies.

I’m thinking a spat of negative editorials against you and a quiet discharge from your job. I’m thinking maybe a move back to your home town and a fortune made from the black-marketing of your wonder drug:  Deux Deux Deuxs.

Comments

[Andrew]

nicely done.

[Dance]

I didn't have you figured as a US-Soviet historian.

[phdribble]

da